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I really dont know how to write this post. I have written a mile long post before this 2x but its doesnt seem right. So here I am starting again.

Starting again.

As you may know that I am a bit down or maybe depress. Every morning after school run I spent my time sleeping, lying down as I dont have the will to move neglecting my blog, the chores, my health and the house in the process. I started gaining weight. So now I have 2 reasons to run home after I bring my son to school. I am embarrass to be seen out with my body and I just want to go back to sleep. Cuz it gives me comfort.

I just want to say that I am not lazy. I .. just dont have the will to move. Its hard to explain. Closing my eyes, stopping and daydreaming of things that I long for is what keeps me here. Keeps me sane. Not the healthiest but believe me I have done worse, worst.

But I really dont want this to define me. The girl who sleeps all day and night. I want to create things and go back to doing what I really love. I need to be alive again and not sleep my life away. I want to feel the sun in my face. I need to wake up from this hibernation. I need to wake up for spring.

So I am trying to make things right.

I promise myself that I will take control. So I started running. But lately the weather is still too cold for me so I started doing those video exercises. Its not life changing but slowly I am feeling better. Feeling sore parts makes me feel alive.

There are times that no matter what I do to try to squeeze the short exercises it just doesnt work. To some, you can just shrug if off and do it again tomorrow. To me it means failure. Something heavy and bad. Antagonizing. But I will never give up. I can always start on a clean slate and start over.

Starting over is what I am going to do again today. I need to at least try again.

Wake Up is my word of the week.


The Reading Residence
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( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 27th, 2015 11:58 am (UTC)
Such an honest post, Merlinda, and I do hope you can wake up, as it must be so hard. You are never a failure, as you're keeping on going and trying x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
Mar. 27th, 2015 01:42 pm (UTC)
It must be really hard feeling this way, but you are not a failure, you keep trying which makes you a fighter, you will get there x
Mar. 27th, 2015 01:55 pm (UTC)
Everyone has these moments of failure, loneliness etc... I feel it too, loads of times. But the good thing about these moments, like all moments, they pass. Hope you feel better soon! #wotw.
Debbie Roberts
Mar. 27th, 2015 02:38 pm (UTC)
Hi Merlinda, exercise has an amazing ability to pick you back up when you're down, you've just got to keep at it. You have taken a big step by just acknowledging the possibility that you are depressed - you certainly sound it - and now you can slowly work on feeling better about yourself and things around you.

I do wish you well and hope you start to feel better soon, if not don't be scared to ask for help, don't let depression drag you down!

Cascia Talbert
Mar. 27th, 2015 02:40 pm (UTC)
I hope you start to feel better soon. I've been depressed before too, so I understand how you feel. Keep exercising, it will help boost your serotonin levels and make you feel less depressed. Sending you HUGS and prayers.
Louisa Addison
Mar. 27th, 2015 08:43 pm (UTC)
I have suffered terribly with depression in the past and all the doctors told me about the benefits of exercise. It's taking those first steps that is the hardest. You can do it, you are much stronger than you think xx
Kim Carberry
Mar. 27th, 2015 09:34 pm (UTC)
What a brave, honest post....Keep up the exercise! I hope you feel better soon x
Mar. 28th, 2015 06:38 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear you've been feeling this way, Merlinda. It's great that you have taken up exercising. It really helps to calm the mind and make one feel better.
Mar. 28th, 2015 07:29 pm (UTC)
Oh lovely I am so sorry to hear this. I have felt like this too and it's so tough but I promise you, you're a great mum and you will get through the other side ((hugs)) x #WotW
Mar. 29th, 2015 09:44 am (UTC)
I understand where you are coming from. I have been there and often return. But you have admitted there is a problem, that is the first step. I have started going to two fitness classes a week and going has improved my moods so much, I feel great when I have been. I hope you start to pick up and enjoy the Easter holidays x
Mar. 29th, 2015 08:16 pm (UTC)
What a beautifully brave post.Taking control is such an important aspect- but you're so right in that some days it's not always possible. Taking each day does sound like the best approach. I hope this week treats you well. xx #WotW
Mar. 29th, 2015 08:18 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear you are feeling down, I did wonder if something is up because of past posts you have written. I have been feeling very low for the past few years, well high and love depending on the day. I have been taking part in a Thinking Slimmer challenge where you listen to a pod every night and it is making me feel very positive. I am actually seeing someone now to help with my thinking. I hope you feel more positive soon x x x
Mar. 30th, 2015 06:37 am (UTC)
Merlinda, you are such a lovely lady and I really hope that you start to live the life you really want very soon. Please look after yourself. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x
Californian Mum in London
Mar. 30th, 2015 09:11 pm (UTC)
It must be tough feeling down. But good for you for trying to feel better. Hope you can enjoy running in warm weather soon.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )


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I am a daughter, a sister, wife and a mother! I have a son, Sebastian who is born 2010. I am from the Philippines now living here in the UK. This blog is a place where I rant and rave and share pieces of me!

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