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5 Years

Wow you are 5 today wow.

When you were born I also had a rebirth, I became a mother. One of the things that I am not expecting to be. But you gave me that power to be one, to be your mother.

I remember the first time I saw you. My head swell and I just need to cry. I did.

You are so tiny and so real. So alive. Kicking, crying. Alive and real.

I am still pinching myself now. Checking if this is real that I am a mother to a lovely boy, you.

We started rough. You and me. You made me so worried when you are a baby and you are not that well. Your Dad flew you here in the UK for medical reasons and I suffered for a week yearning for you. It is torture. Children's voices that I hear makes gives me pain in my chest. I only been with your for months and yet not being with you hurts so much already.

When I saw you a week after, you are not responding to my voice anymore and that hurts more. Like someone is trying to squeezed my heart dry. Like a bullet hit my heart. It is painful there, in my heart. In my chest.

I have to work to gain your love back.

I did.

After few days you are my baby again.

Its been lonely for me here. I feel so alone. Your company is the only thing that kept me sane, thats keeping me sane. That kept me here.

I have struggled with motherhood when you were 2. Your tantrums and cries, they confused me. And I think its safe to say that you are confused too of the new things that you are feeling and learning and seeing. So much for a 2 year old to take?

Then I slowly got it, you slowly got it. Days got easier. Better.
We still have off days but its not as bad when you were 2. In my head I called them the Dark Ages.

When you turned 3 you are slowly talking. Suddenly I dont need to talk to the myself. Suddenly you are responding. It dawned to me you are not a toddler anymore but a little boy. And a little boy you are. Hugging me when I am crying. Telling me that its going to be okay and patting my head. You are sweet.

You started school when you are 4. One of the youngest in your class. Smallest. And on our school runs we are having conversations that I long for. You are growing, learning and curious. Your love of traffic signs never waned.

YOu are also reading now. It happened in a flash. One day we are struggling with letters and suddenly you started blending them into a word that became words and a sentence that became sentences and paragraphs.

You are devouring information so much that sometimes I cant keep up.

I cant keep up.

On how fast you are growing, on how fast you are learning. And how fast you reached 5.

I cant slow down time, I cant slow down your development and I wont.

I will try my best to keep up. I will try my best to be as fast. I will try.

But mostly I will try my best to treasure every moments. The simplest ones. The most ordinary. Because they are the most special. Because they happened with you.

Happy birthday Bean.

I love you to the moon and back.



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( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 19th, 2015 12:14 am (UTC)
Gorgeous post!
Jun. 19th, 2015 09:49 am (UTC)
What a lovely heart warming post,
They grow up so fast don't they!.
Wishing your little man a very Happy and awesome 5th Birthday, hope he has a lovely day! :) x
NC Sue
Jun. 19th, 2015 10:21 am (UTC)
Happy birthday to your no-longer-so-little one!
Have a great weekend as well.
Kim Carberry
Jun. 19th, 2015 12:35 pm (UTC)
Aww! Happy Birthday Sebastian! I hope he has a wonderful day!!
Such a sweet post!
Jun. 19th, 2015 12:46 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday to him! Beautiful post. They do grow up so fast, and it's hard to keep up, especially now they're at school, isn't it? But we will, we'll always be here, probably trailing behind them! Hope he has a fab day x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
Jun. 19th, 2015 01:07 pm (UTC)
Belated birthday wishes to the adorable Bean. They grow up too fast... make the most of him being five :o)
Jun. 19th, 2015 08:16 pm (UTC)
Aww happy birthday to your sweet little Bean. What a lovely letter. I like how you said motherhood is a rebirth. It really is.
Jun. 20th, 2015 10:15 pm (UTC)
Gosh, what an amazing post packed with emotion. I cannot imagine what pain and heartbreak you went through when your baby was small and you've watched his grown into this lovely 5yo boy.
Hope you had lovely birthday celebrations
Nikki Frank-Hamilton
Jun. 21st, 2015 04:05 pm (UTC)
What a beautiful post from a mother to her growing son. Your words are like poetry and make me long to hug my children tight.
Jun. 23rd, 2015 05:46 pm (UTC)
Oh Merlinda, what a beautiful post. Happy Birthday to your little man, they grow so fast but there is so much more for him to bring you. Every day, every year there is something new and something special. xxx
Sara Murray (mumturnedmom)
Jun. 24th, 2015 03:27 pm (UTC)
Beautiful post Merlinda, just beautiful x
Jun. 25th, 2015 08:55 am (UTC)
What a thought provoking post. So heartfelt and quite poignant. Happy Birthday Bean!
Jun. 25th, 2015 06:32 pm (UTC)
Happy birthday little man and so feel you about going through the milestones you but it so well. X
Jun. 26th, 2015 04:03 am (UTC)
Oh Happy Birthday!!! WoW 5 that's getting up there dude. What a lovely tribute to your beautiful son. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
Jun. 26th, 2015 09:11 am (UTC)
aww happy 5th birthday! time goes too fast when they are growing up doesn't it its sad but its great to watch them learning and teching us new things x
Jun. 27th, 2015 09:07 pm (UTC)
From Sharisse @ Savvy Sweet Life
Happy birthday to your son! What a lovely note to reflect back on his 5 years.
Jun. 28th, 2015 07:45 am (UTC)
Aww what a beautiful post - happy birthday to your son. Sounds like you both have a very special relationship x thanks for linking up to #ToddlersAndTeens at mummy2monkeys
Jun. 30th, 2015 08:02 am (UTC)
How beautiful. Happy fifth birthday to your son! (Silly Mummy at R is for Hoppit)
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )


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I am a daughter, a sister, wife and a mother! I have a son, Sebastian who is born 2010. I am from the Philippines now living here in the UK. This blog is a place where I rant and rave and share pieces of me!

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