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Shaken











The fight that I had with Him last Saturday really shook me that I got sick since Monday evening.
There are lots of times where I would not feel better but thinking back I havent been sick since my son was in Foundation Stage.
He is now in Year 2.

Robust.

I think its because we are always walking to school. My son and I are exposed to weather.

Until that fight where he would move his face near my face.
It shook me to the core. I remember trembling while tying my son's shoes while we are arguing.
His face.
Its all that I remember. On my sleep, when I have quiet moments.
And I am scared of Saturday to come.
In between the hallucinations that goes with high fever I am wishing that Saturday would never come again.
I dont want another Saturday like that. I dont know if my body can handle another day like that.

Weirdly enough I feel that this will end soon.
Glimmer of Hope?
I guess that why its my blog's name because I can never ever give up.

Thanks for the names of charities and group that I can contact.
Once my head is working I will start asking for help again.
I already emailed a women's charity before but I think I also got a 'you are not a high risk case' feedback too.
I wish someone would just give me a chance to look further, deeper. Behind the facade.
I am not bruised outside but I am slowly dying inside.

Shaken is my word of the week.


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Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
FrugalMrsW
May. 12th, 2017 08:49 am (UTC)
Oh my love it breaks my heart to read this. You are being amazingly strong and from someone who endured years of mental abuse please know that there is always hope. Keep trying every door of support that opens one will lead to a better life for you, I'm sure of it. #WotW
(Anonymous)
May. 12th, 2017 10:14 am (UTC)
Merlinda, I really hope you get the help you need soon. You and your lovely boy deserve so much better. Pick yourself up and fight back by trying to get some outside help. Mental is just as bad as physical and it's a shame that some places don't recognise this. I suffered years of mental abuse too, but he did get up and leave eventually. You have to keep your glimmer of hope and I'm sure life will get better for you. Keeping you in my thoughts xxx
ReadingRes
May. 12th, 2017 11:04 am (UTC)
So sorry to read that you're suffering, no-one should have to go through this. I do think it's worth reaching out for charities and support again, don't give up on them as the help is out there. And you're right, keep that glimmer of hope alive x Thanks for sharing with #WotW
life_asweknow
May. 12th, 2017 12:37 pm (UTC)
Merlinda, you are so brave and you mustn't ever give up your glimmer of hope. My heart breaks that you are going through this. Please try some charities for support, mental abuse is as serious as physical and should be treated as such and I believe many organisations agree with this too. xx
Kim Carberry
May. 12th, 2017 12:59 pm (UTC)
Sending big hugs! Keep your chin up and keep on going looking for help. You will find it. #WotW
CherylInTheUK
May. 12th, 2017 06:00 pm (UTC)
You are strong and you will find a way. I'm sorry you've felt under the weather. It's not easy when you are below par, but keep asking for help. #wotw
Carol Cameleon
May. 13th, 2017 08:15 pm (UTC)
Oh but Merlinda, there is always a glimmer of hope and those charities... well keep asking. x #wotw
OurLitEscapades
May. 14th, 2017 07:29 pm (UTC)
So sad reading this. I hope you are OK? I hope you can get the help you need or find somewhere to go. There is always hope #WotW
liquoriceuk
May. 16th, 2017 08:30 pm (UTC)
Oh Merlinda, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you can get the help you need. Hold on to that glimmer of hope, carry on being the amazing mummy that you so clearly are and I hope so much that things get better for you. I agree with the comments above, keep trying those avenues of support and hopefully someone will be able to help you xx #WotW
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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I am a daughter, a sister, wife and a mother! I have a son, Sebastian who is born 2010. I am from the Philippines now living here in the UK. This blog is a place where I rant and rave and share pieces of me!


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