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Anxiety Attacks

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Firstly I would like to apologize for making your Friday depressing. Of you dont like sad entries please skip this post.

I was suppose to meet a doctor about my anxiety attacks. I need a reevaluation if my medicine is working.
But its so hard to make an appointment with her. When I go in the morning in the surgery she doesnt have any free time and I cant make an advance appointment. And then just repeat that cycle. Until I gave up that I will ever get an appointment.

I asked for a repeat prescription because that doesnt need her presence. I only get 7 days worth of pills. I cant afford to always buy that for £8 so I stopped asking for repeat prescription.

I also need a Cognitive Behavior Therapy but I cant really start that one as I am still staying with the person who triggers the fear.

I stopped taking the medicine and I cant take the therapy that makes me sane.

So its been a while since I last saw her, the doctor.

I am surviving until this week. See I have this routine where I will only get out of my room when my husband trigger is out of the house. Then before he comes back my son and I should be in our cell room. No contact is good for me. That is how I survive.

Recently he changed his routine. Staying for longer in the morning and arriving earlier in the evening.

And it shook me.

I dont know how I can prepare my son's breakfast and lunch and we are not eating proper dinner. Just the food that I can bring inside our room.
I have a cooler now so that I can store food in our bedroom.

His presence is causing me so much anxiety that I would cry buckets until I can no longer cry and then some.

I would do school run with swollen eyes.

My son is use to me having the attacks. He thought that my medicine is not working.
Weirdly enough after watching those CBBC videos about mental health he understand where I am.

That is how my week is. Crying. Really really drained me up to the point where I can no longer stand up after.

As you were.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 2nd, 2018 09:40 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time, is there anywhere else you can ask for help at all ? I really hope you can get some help soon x
Feb. 2nd, 2018 11:58 am (UTC)
You need help sweetheart, you cannot miss seeing your dr and you need your medication and therapy. If you have repeat prescriptions you can buy a prepaid certificate for just £10.50 a month which covers you for ALL your medication, it's much cheaper and you can apply online and tick the box on the prescription before your card arrives. Please, please don't miss out on your medication and do see your Dr. If you really cannot get an appointment then go to A&E and ask for a RAID assessment. They can arrange your medication for you, and you will be seen quickly. (trust me, I know a lot about mental health I have a daughter with PTSD) It doesn't matter if you are still with your 'trigger' you can still have treatment, and when you are ill you really need it. Please, please don't get any worse, it could be so bad for your little boy. I know he understands now and he's such a good lad who is loved so very much, but you need to look after yourself for him, let him keep you going, let him help you seek the help you need. If you feel so worthless you can't look after yourself, then do it for him. You will BOTH get out of this one day and be happy, believe that, it's what you deserve. xxx contact me if you need to xx
Kim Carberry
Feb. 2nd, 2018 12:39 pm (UTC)
Ohh! Merlinda. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what else to say. Sending hugs xxx
Feb. 2nd, 2018 01:51 pm (UTC)
Merlinda, I am so sorry that you are going through this. The way that your doctors surgery organises its appointments doesn't sound helpful at all. Is there any other nearby surgery you could change to which might be more helpful? It must be so hard for you having to live with your trigger and feeling like a prisoner in your room unless he is out of the house. I agree with what the earlier commenter has said - you do need help and I hope with all my heart that you will get out of this situation sooner rather than later. Sending you big hugs x
Feb. 2nd, 2018 02:18 pm (UTC)
Don't give up asking for help. Use the energy that helped you to write this post, to fuel you to seek help. You can and you deserve to have someone listen. #wotw
Feb. 2nd, 2018 02:55 pm (UTC)
So sorry to read this, Merlinda, and I can only echo the previous comment and advice, as you do need to get help. I do hope that you manage to see someone who can begin to help you soon x #WotW
Captured By Jade
Feb. 2nd, 2018 05:13 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear you are living this nightmare, and as others have said (and I understand it is hard), you do need help - it can't go on like this. Your little boy sounds so lovely, and you're incredibly lucky to have each other. #WotW
Feb. 3rd, 2018 11:43 am (UTC)
I am wondering why no one is helping you. You are suffering and crying. What about neighbors? -Anna
Feb. 10th, 2018 10:54 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear of this Merlinda. I hope you manage to get the help you need and the courage and strength to leave what sounds like an awful predicament to be in. Sending hugs x
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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I am a daughter, a sister, wife and a mother! I have a son, Sebastian who is born 2010. I am from the Philippines now living here in the UK. This blog is a place where I rant and rave and share pieces of me!

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