CANCER. I haven't talked about this with him but I think I need to, now. My son knows. He knows what his father got it (we see the hospital
letters envelopes first) and that he might get it, that he needs to be checked soon and he is scared. I reckon when he knows it more, cancer can be scary that you need to be mindful but not scary enough to eat him and take away the fun in his life especially at this age when he is suppose to be thinking of something else like Lego or Minecraft and how on earth are we going to afford Nintendo switch! He should leave the 'being scared' to me. That's a Mum's job!
Needless to say that I am worried. My son has an expiration date it seems. Its so heartbreaking. But I really dont have a choice and power on this one. I didnt know. I have no choice (like all the other aspect of my life) but just to accept it that it will come.
Knowing Cancer is imperative for both of us so that we know what we need to tackle head on in the future. I tried learning it and explaining the science of it to him. What created it. A cell that has gone haywire and maybe faulty genes that he got from me or his father. His father got it from his father who passed away from it. I am no doctor but there is now a pattern in there. There is a chance that he will get it. Big chance. As a baby his colon already showed abnormalities which thank goodness was healed by his own system. I am probably the only Mother who would do a fist pump every time her baby poo. I am very religious about recording his pooing. I
panic worry if the days in between are long. Sometimes they really are. It turned normal. I still am vigilant about this even now. I am still constantly checking. And I do a sigh of relief every time he needs to do number 2. I make sure there's fiber in our meal. As a mother this worries me of course. My life is already complicated as it is, my mind already giving up on the events happening to my marriage and now this?
As I chose not to be involve in his father's medical journey I try to research, look things up, ask around on my own. Its so lovely that I have friends who are nurses and care givers who can explain the technical terms. They try to explain things to me.
Like the bag.
Stoma bag. His father uses one. I showed him what it is from the internet. He cried when he realized that he might need it. Of all the other things that I have shared with him, he is more bothered about the bag. I told him that it might look weird at first but it helps people. He asked if I am going to be there when he gets them. I told him he might (hopefully) not get them but no matter what I am going to be there. Like every immunization schedule, every time he has got fever or chicken pox or snotty nose.
He felt better.
Looking at it on a different angle, maybe its a blessing that we know that there is a chance for him to get it. Because not only we can change our ways now, we can prepare and mostly we can see every day as a gift. Morbid I know but I can't take every moment with him for granted. Everyday is important.
I so know the importance of cancer research now too, because that gives us more chance and hope that tomorrow cancer can be beaten. If and when he will get it, I was hoping curing it is as simple as taking calpol to ease fever. Science is developing fast and I am hoping that it would developed fast enough for him to enjoy the fruit of cancer research and development.
He then went back to me sad.
He asked if he will also get his father's hairy back. I chuckled at how he looks so serious about this and how random it is. But I kept a straight face and checked his back. So much hair there. Fine but dark. I said yes and he rolled his eyes. He said he doesn't want it! I hugged him and told him that I will love him even he has got hairy back. He then left and went back to playing his gadget.
Conversations with this boy is always interesting. Cancer and hairy back in one go. I wonder what were going to talk about next!