*2 Rizals

Its seems that everyday its all bad news in here lately. I am not going to bore you with the details. But its hard. Before I go to sleep I would pray if I can just get one good news. Just one good news to get me through the ordeal that I am experiencing. 


My sister at home is pregnant. She is going to have a baby boy! Suddenly I am busy with chatting with her. She, like me is a nervous first time Mom. It is so weird that we are sisters but our pregnancy is totally different. I have never experienced morning sickness and she did. I don't have dizzy spells. She needs a complete bed rest on some occassions. But we are both anemic =P 

Its bittersweet. Its such a good news and yet I cant totally enjoy it. I wish I am there to be with her because I feel that she needs me. You just feel these things isn't it. We are sisters after all. When I gave birth, it is my sister who stayed with me in the hospital since 8am till the next day (my husband is in the UK). She is the one who saw my son first. I am heavily medicated when I gave birth (i am induced) so though I remember kissing my son and seeing him after I gave birth, its all hazy. While my sister, she saw him and that memory stayed with her of course. She laugh and cried when he saw my son all mucky from fluids and stuff from my tummy for the first time. At home, she would drop by every night after work to see my son. No fail. It has become a part of her routine. Till me and my son flew here.

I never saw her in real life again.

If given a chance I would want to go home when its time for her to give birth. I want my son to meet her son. I want them to know each other even if its just for a short period of time, the duration of our visit. They are relatives. Parts of them are the same.  Hopefully even if they will be living in different countries, that sameness would keep them as close as me and my sister.

But of course it would never happen as I am not allowed to go home. 

I would never see her when she gives birth. My son would never see his cousin. My sister wont see me. And her son wont see my son.

The reality of my family is sad. Divided not only by distance but by the force that stops me from seeing home, seeing my family, seeing my sister and seeing my nephew.

But his birth would always inspire me. Give me that fire to see and go home more than ever. He will be born the same month as my son. Imagine how amazing it is if they will be born the same day! But thats pushing it too much haha. I am just happy and I will try to enjoy the moment that I am going to be an Aunt! 

*my title 2 Rizals is from the idea that he might be born the same day as my son. My son's birthday fall on the birthday of our national hero in my country named Jose Rizal. He is known to be intelligent and selfless, a hero. Imagine. Just imagine having the same birthday! That would be a miracle in itself.


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